Author: Ritual

There’s a huge craze that happened a few years back and is still more or less kicking around with retrofuturism/digitalism under the generally agreed name of Vaporware. This is the redevelopment of material in the 80s and 90s age and it’s pretty amazing. Consumer demands are biting into the taste of nostalgia and the old with constant rehashings and reboots of existing content.

Sadly, they forgot to tell everyone that not everything that came out of those times was great. Orpheus and his shreddin’ pals venture into the land of the dead, and unlike the Greek tragedy, Shredder Orpheus is mediocre in nearly every way, holding little charm or talent, turning out to be a blast from the past as welcome as warm flatulence against your face.

What is so annoying about this trash was the difficulty in keeping up to date with what is really going on. It’s clear that they’re skateboarders. It’s apparent that they’re in the underground “gray zone”. Then there’s the existence of the cathode ray and what appears to be the skulking undead or something. That might not be right either. Fuck it, whatever, it’s plain stupid.

The cheap production is somewhat exploited for good, taking advantage of the enthusiast acting and supernatural influences, doing what it can without expensive SFX to create a surreal atmosphere; however, it’s wasted on shabby camera setups and coordination. This is so directed towards the young kids of the era. You can almost hear the ghosts of teenagers wearing backwards caps and whispering “awesome” “radical!” and with lines such as “Do us all a favor, take a blow!” Uh… what are you actually proposing there, buddy?

A certain aspect is the heavily driving force of contemporary music, not only incorporating various elements of rock, industrial and electro, but arranging its guitar, bass, synth and percussion with skill. In the period of Metallica and Michael Jackson, it shows you how powerful the influence of pop and rock & roll was; it’s not surprising when a musical instrument is portrayed as even magical (as per the poster image).

Yet its incomprehensible story is despairingly tedious and loathsomely irritating, and the weakly arranged characters feel so paper-thin, distant and artificial. Again: not everything from the 90’s is worth rebooting. Some of it is good, most of it normal, and some of it, well, it just aged like shit.

3/10

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0246231/

Strange happenings are happening in the quiet town of San Marco. Celebrated thriller writer Akahori finds herself there after running there to get away from her fame and starts becoming well known by elements she’d rather not like; while rural police guy stumbles across a deadly plot involving ruthless gangsters. Ultimately their paths intersect in a twisted tale of murder.

Certainly the boldest direction Man From Reno takes is its odd Western/Japanese fusion, vaguely mixing impressions of Asian and American cinema. Crime thrillers from the USA are common as muck, so are the ones from Japan; but perhaps the attempt to combine the psychology and skill of both is not. This presents an interesting introduction where two narratives are talking almost at once.

So it’s a surprise when the story turns out to be so 2-dimensional. Although powered with roughly enough ideas to keep itself afloat upon the nearly 2-hour journey, it only travels thinly between the land of the suspenseful and as dull as cardboard due to the disappearance of any energy in the drama, complexity in its mystery or offering of action to back it up.

Fujitani (Akahori) isn’t overwhelming either. Occasionally they’re somewhat impressive, with their attempts at resilience falling short, tending to trickle into a trembling defiance than awesome fearlessness; though this may be a factor lost in the translation of combing such different cultures, or maybe a side effect of my shitty reviewing skills.

Little can be said about the production other than that Man From Reno plays it very safe. This is hardly crushing all-out horror, yet each time the writing feels too close to danger, it rapidly shirks in fear into to scenes where people are again drinking coffee and reading newspapers in warm and cosy environments. The actors’ opportunity to deliver themselves feel caged and cut down – even their lines seem minimal.

Then there’s the soft and squeezy soundtrack. Enjoyable at times, its humdrum meandering is nothing that thunderously strikes the ground, which is another shame as this was a real chance to embolden and enliven the atmosphere. Well, that’s pretty all you’re gonna get. At least there’s a good hand-crushing moment – if you haven’t expired of boredom by the time you reach it.

3/10

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Man_from_Reno_(film)

Have you ever found yourself in a tough situation on a night out? Maybe done too many shots and ended up in some place weird? Did you trust the wrong kind of people? Did you mistakenly visit that unsavory part of town without knowing? Or were you only innocently trying to buy drugs? We’ve all been there, so don’t worry.

These kids need to however. During an evening of partying, a bunch of friends get on the bad side of their fellow revelers and make attempts to escape by running into an abandoned facility which runs underneath the ground. Their problems are barely beginning as they discover scientific abominations deadlier than their human attackers.

This dumbass slasher is certainly influenced by, or is at least in admiration of the culture of the military; not unlike Aliens, where the participants in the terror are only soldiers to display the strength of the antagonists. Yet its theme is automatically wasted on bravado posturing and showing off with little extra substance other than a tiresome backstory and the mad scientist trope.

The production is relatively alright; the actors are pretty lousy unfortunately, and the scenes suffer from lacking coordination, sloppy cameras and an insistence on thick, crude lighting which appears thoroughly primative. The soundtrack is cool, featuring multiple instruments and styles, but its involvement is too jubilant and overexcited.

Underground suffers more from is piss poor attempt at the evil guys or whatever the hell they are. The makeup and costumes are okay, the special effects are passable, they’re just so superficial and unbelievable as anything threatening. Really? Backflipping zombies? Are you serious – who wrote this fucking thing?

It’s a fairly loathsome experiment at survival horror and its constant appeals to authority don’t swing either. Perhaps the idea of the whole flick is for teens or young adults with their eyes set on a life within the navy, the air force, or something similar. Whichever career path they take, it’s obvious that none of these guys care about making decent films.

2/10

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1811371/

Times are tough for young mom Karla. Broke as hell, stressful job, partner overseas, and living in a crappy apartment on the wrong side of town. Guess she really shouldn’t have spent all her money on that netbook. But everyone else has one and Apple is cool and the finance option was so so so tempting.

Angry bill collectors on the phone are the least of her worries however, as the struggling mother discovers a strange thief within her midst in this unsettling 15-minute spine-tingler. Initially believing her mind to be playing tricks, she uncovers the sinister truth behind the bizarre events inside her home, and finds that it threatens much more than simply her sanity.

This was alright; for a one-off, it’s not bad. Although its soundtrack is disappointing, the visual production is strong, and the acting is pretty tight, which must face the limitation of the shaky earthquake style of camera recording which is roughly patched up with the solid editing. (There’s definitely a video game stock effect of a cupboard opening at the 6 minute mark which I just can’t quite nail.)

Its limited writing isn’t captivating or show-stopping exactly, and could certainly have benefited by being fleshed out with additional elements such as an expanded cast, alternative perspectives of the story, and/or background/textual narration. The territory to explore the emotions of a threatened parent is endless. So perhaps stretched in imagination, yet a convincing execution.

5/10

https://letterboxd.com/film/urban-myth-nest/

When you’ve watched shock video, gore porn, and general murder, death and destruction on the internet, you finally get to a point where you swear to yourself: always look both ways as you cross the road. Even if all vehicles have stopped. Even if the pedestrian signal is green. Even if you’re in the middle of nowhere with nothing in sight. Sounds crazy, but after enough Liveleak videos, you’ll understand.

Dana Milgrom (Shauna Macdonald) didn’t get the memo. Surviving a deadly hit and run, they wake up to find themselves terribly injured and confined to a hospital bed, breathing apparatus, and a catheter. Her concussion is so severe that her speech is impaired. The unfortunate patient has no time for recovery though, as a malicious ghoul haunts her room, threatening to invade her sanity.

The beginning is legitimately shocking and unexpected. And it’s a shame, because the rest is disappointing, plain and poor, descending into the quality of soap TV with a mirage of crime drama. The flick is dull, unambitious and uninfluenced, with the content drying up so soon and so badly that it thwarts any honest attempt to be taken seriously.

The production is workable enough. The makeup is alright, and it may not be exactly scientifically precise. To be fair, her injury looks like a burn than a skull fracture, yet its display of pain and damage is a good choice. The soundtrack is mediocre and edited by an idiot. The acting is fine, standard and professional, with Macdonald doing a pretty decent job of their haplessly frail lead actor who strives to reach survivalism and persistence.

It’s not the delivery of the material that’s the problem however – it’s the confounding lack of it. For instance, there’s substance that could have been employed or invented with the decision of expanding the investigation into Milgrom’s hallucinations. Or creating a stronger plotline for the antagonist. Midway through the lead character is sitting there googling for ideas in the middle of the film.

Despite the drab initiation, and overall crappy performance, things begin to develop later. There’s a few points which grab interest, especially the cleaner’s end being a strong example. Perhaps more sinister is the insistence on CCTV as a narrative factor. Why is a secondary style of footage required? If the reason is to gain authority, why can’t that sense be achieved in the original visual conditions? And how do you jail a ghost? Simple! You tell them they’re in for life! (Fucking hell)

3/10

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt4695098/

Hypnos is the Latin word for sleep. And we use the language of Latin to call all kinds of bullshit. Who knows why, it has nothing to do with it. Olympus sells expensive cameras. There’s a gigantic software company called Oracle. Did you know that there is a whole section of Pluto named after Lovecraft? The moar you know!

Doctor Beatris Vargas doesn’t nor themselves in the twisted world of Hipnos. With her new assignment as a psychiatrist in a distant and isolated sanitarium, the Doctor finds their life entranced and disarmed by their strange counterparts. Even reality seems against her, and they must alone face a decent into a madness of mystery, deceit, suicide and betrayal.

Beginning with a somewhat strong start, Hipnos pretty much fucks off to the land of sheer average as fast as it can get with its amazingly underwhelming story. While there’s some superficial play of the substance of mental illness, and a little discussion of sexuality, the mature viewer is only going to find themselves chewing on regurgitated stock shock no better than the last horror crap you watched, plus a flash of european tits this time.

There’s art to be appreciated in the captivating and excellently crafted camerawork which comfortably handles its scenes. Work was put into the planning of this production, and it shows. The direction has a professional approach; coldly precise and effortlessly human. And the soundtrack may be minimal, but it’s well designed and inputted, efficiently balancing out the various moments of drama and ease.

The acting is solid; perhaps too so. Though each actor presents formidable skill and ability, their presence leaves an artificial taste in the mouth. A perfect case would be the lead and their primitive range of emotions. For a medical practioneer, dashing around from room to room in heels and skirts, it’s obvious they’re more interested in the wardrobe than the front lobe.

The unrealistic and overdramatic portrayal of the mentally impaired is also distasteful. Although sets are clean, cared for and clinical, this is hardly the truth for those with difficult conditions, whose options usually exist within the polar opposite. There’s an opportunity to explore this harsh aspect, by the way, if anyone feels like taking it instead of making these shitty mediocre pulp thrillers.

4/10

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0376650/

I’m a huge sucker for the original Silent Hill 1 on the Playstation. Its direction, soundtrack and wealth of ideas set the bar for supernatural horror, merging fantasy, madness and the obscure to create an obscene simulation of bewilderingly surreal terror. The second and third ones are fantastic entries too. Not so keen on the forth. Yeah, now that’s a controversial opinion.

Its greatness is also its flaw, sadly; the 2nd installment, Silent Hill 2, is an incredible achievement and arguably one of the greatest video games made, so consumer expectations are incredibly high, hence the hostility and outcry when inferior sequels are produced, not to mention the infamous Pachislot machine. For fairness and to prevent myself writing an essay, this reviewer would try and give a purely neutral review, as if it stood by itself. (Not an easy task.)

Initiating with her banal existence in college, Heather Mason is suddenly sucked into a nightmarish realm of hellish creatures and extremist cultists. Lost in a world of warped darkness and fearing for her own life, she begins her adventure to find her father while trying to survive within a labyrinth of unreality containing all manner of wicked abominations whom possess a curious desire to wear a vast amount of leather.

This starts out dumb as fuck and it doesn’t get any better. The insistence on a style of action and quick thrills rather than slow suspense or construction is poorly arranged and constructed. The fan service is everywhere, the constant need for jumpscares is miserable, the actors fail to deliver, with Adelaide Clemens looking the part but they sure can’t play it, radiating a pitiful meekness and dependency which thwarts her image as a heroine.

That’s not to say there’s nothing new. For a horror, everything is about the monsters, and there’s a fair grab here. The monstrous evil dimension is suitably demented, diverse in corruption and impressively executed, with generally competent special effects. There’s a few moments of shock which are alright, and the Hellraiser inspired creations are interestingly designed. By far the best scene is the cruel nurses at around the 65-minute mark which perform an excellently robotic yet organic coordination and could well have been utilized further to produce more mayhem.

Still, it’s a mess. So much is unfaithfully borrowed or directly facsimiled with little in the way of originality or watchability, with the viewer spending their hour treading upon jumpscare after jumpscare, ever meandering through an unsatisfying plot and questionable acting which altogether fails to pass the grade. A very poor incarnation of a good, well used to be good series.

3/10

https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/silent_hill_revelation

It’s well known that the Soviets didn’t just stop their evil with fixed planned economies and brutalist housing. Secret underground cities, bases on the moon, plans to nuke the earth and even spreading social ills such as gay rights and feminism are among their crimes. Wait a second, weren’t the communists against that? Who understands these right-wing talk shows these days.

Terrible renegades in a region of war-torn Europe are on the loose however, with ideas to carry out worse atrocities, and only a team of brave soldiers can save the day. Beginning with an ominous introduction, the scene then leads to the killers packing an arsenal of weaponry with an intent to infiltrate the enemy and destroy them from within. (This was also released as The Hybrid).

Words cannot describe the relief at seeing John Lynch again (Black Death) and his ability to look well blimmin’ serious, like. His gritty realism sends a great presentation, and his crew of grim-looking vagrants do likewise, including the skinhead, the hairy hippie guy, the young woman with a chip on her shoulder and Doug, a kind of chain-smoking badass version of Thom Yorke.

Though everyone’s dressed up and ready for combat, there’s surprisingly – and disappointingly – little of it. Despite the expensive production, this one takes its sweet time going anywhere, spending a third of its life building up the tension for a tiny moment of action. And as the mystery claws its way deeper, bringing its intelligence and science fiction elements, it’s too wet and soppy to be wildly interesting or attention-grabbing.

This reveals to us the real star of the show, which is the set design. There’s an excellent competence of arrangement, with the harsh grey wastelands, the grim stone dungeons and the almost unreal laboratory so different in nature and caliber, yet coordinated and displayed with detail and precision. It’s probably legitimately where the production’s strongest efforts were made, and its brief brilliance. The soundtrack, in stark contrast, is dull and lackluster, pale, lazy and completely unmemorable.

Apart from that, there’s no awful faults or defects, and the story is gently intriguing, evolving in complexity and depth in its later chapters; nevertheless, it’s hardly a groundbreaking rollercoaster into the of world of mad scientists gone wild, which forms its element, and honestly, it’s all been chronicled before and better in your average Star Trek or Outer Limits episode. For a film that’s about the dangers of experimentation, it could well have used some.

4/10

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2798456/

Okay… this is bad. Really quite bad. You knew this was gonna be bad, but not that bad. And you’re not going to get anything out of this one even if you’re a horror enthusiast. You’re not a horror enthusiast? What the hell are you doing here anyway.

Launching with an action-packed introduction, featuring an insane masked villain with a suitably deranged mask and some low budget combat action, you’re in for even lower budget non-combat action as the tale focuses on a pitifully bland story about a young woman in the woods stalked by an evil killer. It goes nowhere, and patience wears thin fast.

While there’s some workable competence within the framework of generic filmmaking, such as lighting, framing and settings, it’s tough to find anything truly likable or positive due to the emptiness of substance or ability. Even the amateur attempts just seem novice. And the trashy t&a doesn’t work either, clashing with its own brainlessness.

For something designed to be cheap entertainment, this was really irritating and tough to sit through, with such foul ability to direct or coordinate a flick that it just ended up in raw distate. Get the fuck out of here! Seriously, fuck this shit. Fuck this ridiculous stupid no-brain fuckin’ shit!

2/10

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Playing_with_Dolls

It’s the weekend, and you feel depressed and lonely. Do you spend some time with your family? Call up your friends? Or perhaps do those chores and sort yoursef out ready for the week ahead? Hell no! You drive to the cheapest, most low-down piece of shit watering hole and get completely hammered. Alcohol: solving all your problems for 5,000 years.

Unfortunately, broke ass bar owner Leon is going through tough times and can’t afford any reliable liquor anymore. With patrons continuing to attend but his stock and supplies rapidly dwindling, he resorts to picking up less than reputable brand tequila which brings with it the invariably deadly results when the larval turns out to be a lethal parasite.

While the production standards are okay, the premise is alright, and the general setup is fine, the sheer length of the flick is not, leaving my immediate impression that it could have been shortened by a third. Or up to a half. Easily. The direction is too amateur to take seriously to prevent the evaporation of interest which begins to occur around its mid-point, which is an amazing stretch to reach in itself.

The jumps and horror scenes are pretty good and generally entertaining, the shoestring shooting conditions are acceptable, and the attempt at social realism is totally cool – 100 minutes is just simply way, way, way too long for its material and content. The lack of tension or suspense and the insufferable insistence of long-winded character-building is especially offkey, helping to exasperate the frustratingly slow pace.

Further to my complaints are the humdrum soundtrack, sloppy sound design, and the poverty of sets or environments. A positive note is that the actors blend well with their scripts; Jeremy Owen (Leon) is immediately likable and makes for a surprisingly strong lead, and the rest work well to build a relationship with the viewer, even if their script is so poorly directed.

Yet it’s so damn long. So little excitement between each major event for attention to be sustained. A film needs to have an agreeable amount of momentum generated to be viewable or enthralling, and with such head-popping violence at the start, more gore, tension and gruesomeness would have gone a huge way. Very very average and stale.

3/10

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1900967/