There’s a curiosity which has always appealled to me. Why did intelligence develop on land instead of the water? By volume of population alone, there’s no match. Since life is mostly mutation and natural selection, ocean-goers are clearly in heavier competition. And yet reason was developed and gifted to land-dwellers for no… reason.
None of it here either, as Toxic Shark aims to delight the viewer by throwing approval-seeking teens into the jagged teeth of a deranged and mutated amphibian monster. Featuring a cast of male chiguaguas with breasts superior to the women, skulls emptier than a black hole, and jaws so diagonal they evade radar, there’s at least some satisfaction when they are senselessly obliterated by the crazed predator.
Simply lurking in the water isn’t enough for this big guy. Once encountered, the shark sprays a green corrosive liquid, simultaneously infecting its victim with insanity and containing a rapidly infectious property. Soon, the whole tiny island of partying students have graduated into zombie mayhem, tearing themselves and the survivors apart.
Although there’s plenty of bloodshed, Toxic Shark has a disappointing lack of gore. Victims are mostly swallowed or merely removed from existence in the blink of a mouth. Considering the formidable ability of the antagonist to spawn evil indefinitely, this is a real missed chance to create scenes of more interesting destruction and depravity.
As the creature is built upon the corrupted effect of physical man-made pollution, there is no consideration of this force responsible for its unnatural calamity nor the harm it may be feeling. It’s fine to have a villain that makes no sense. It’s not fine to have protagonists that make no sense. Yet the flick has better ideas about that, launching from one empty discussion to another, remaining trivial and wasting its strength.
The final question is: why aren’t any of the girls stacked? OK there’s some ass, but look – if you’re gonna do a trash film and do such an appalling job of it, at least provide some more substantial tits. Food for thought.
2/10
Possession Media 