It happens to everyone. You’re taking a stroll or cruising through town, innocently exploring a street or an area with no real objective or reason, appreciating some well-kept terraces, idly lost in your own thoughts. Suddenly the gardens appear delapitated. Public transport seems to be missing. Filth is everywhere. Why are there no police? Welcome to the hood, dumbass.
Girls Gone Dead is a trip on the wrong side of town, and not in a good way. Our trek follows the adventures of some brain-dead bitches who decide to get drunk and party on a weekend trip and thankfully get chopped up into pieces by an axe-weilding maniac. It’s stupid, it’s sleazy, it’s dumb, and someone clearly didn’t stop to think that putting seven teenage girls in a room together for 2 days doesn’t NEED a murderer for the killing to begin.
For the whole, there’s nothing particularly good or bad here; this is plain old unashamed and unpretentious fun. The gore and props are okay, the tunes are alright, and the performances are the best you’re going to get from a cast of lead actors which are performing in front of a camera without a dick down their throat for the first time, with all the acting talent you can find in a bangbros porno.
There’s a lot of comedy too, with quips littered throughout the script, and also these spoof commercials. In the opening, a television evangelist laments “These souls are in danger”, with the response “These girls’ holes, that’s what’s in danger”. Despite being very simple, these mock advertisements are actually pretty funny and probably even the best parts of the film itself.
An hour and a half is a little too long and it would have easily been improved by shaving off a few minutes – especially by removing some of the initial scenes and cutting to the chase a little faster. A little more obscenity could have been great for the entertainment factor. And that’s about it. Girls Gone Dead, dumber than a rock, straighter than an arrow, and cheaper than your own mother.
3/10
Possession Media 